As we get started, I'm finding that I am running into a lot of difficulty with having the cojones to say "Yes, we've started a theatre company." I find myself having to battle with my inner cynic who keeps saying things like: "Oh, how juvenile," "Oh you wide-eyed little actor," and "Every theatre major says that." Why does this happen?
I think it's interesting that this inner chorus keeps coming up for me despite my total faith in collaboration and this group's ability to create meaningful work while having a wonderful time doing it. Funny that my reactions to this journey are incredible joy followed by fear. Having cojones, turns out, is difficult to maintain with all of the negative feedback internally and externally from a culture that loves reveling in failure. Why can aspiration and drive so easily be spun? I find it so strange that this kind of reaction is so automatic for me.
I am choosing to notice (and occasionally freak out when I forget my Zen) and examine this feeling, and commit to staying focused on desires, hopes, and faith.
I am choosing to listen to this voice not as something that will control my actions, but as something that is letting me learn about myself.
I’m choosing to give myself the gift of taking this seriously (with the compulsory laughs thrown in).

First blog entry down. Whew…that took some cojones.

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